on fire like a thousand suns
by sawitinhereyes
Summary: "I wanted to dance with you today." / five times they danced, and how it shaped them.


**Note:** lyrics are from "Hunger" by Ross Copperman.

{ I own nothing }

* * *

... ... ...

 _one look and I can't catch my breath_

 _two souls into one flesh_

... ... ...

She isn't even supposed to be dancing with him, but Stefan's nowhere to be found, and Damon must have seen the panic on her face as she descended the stairs, because he quickly jumped into his brother's place.

 _What are we going to do?_

 _Right now, we just have to get through this_.

They lock eyes as they circle one another, and for just a few moments, everything else fades away. She's not worried about Stefan and his bloodlust, or the fact that Bonnie will hardly speak to her, or anything else that's going on in their messed up town. It's just her and Damon and the music, and her breath catches when he takes her in his arms. His blue eyes bore into hers, and she has a vague thought that maybe she should look away, but something won't let her. He guides them effortlessly across the dance floor, and this isn't exactly how she'd pictured this moment, but for a split second, she thinks she doesn't mind dancing with him instead.

Later, when he sits with her to wait out Stefan's vervain coma, she thinks about how she might not have made it through this day without him. She's thankful to have him around, thankful that he's not the monster he tries so hard to pretend to be. Thankful that he cares about his brother, and that he cares about her, even if he doesn't always want them to see it.

Stefan's afraid for her to see the monster inside him. Damon's afraid for her to see anything but.

She saw both today, and it's changed something inside her. She doesn't know what, exactly, or what it means, but she's seeing things a bit differently tonight.

... ... ...

 _when you're not next to me_

 _I'm incomplete_

... ... ...

She doesn't know why she thought coming to this dance was a good idea. She wants to lure Klaus into the open, wants to take him down more than anything, but there are so many lives at stake here. So many people involved that she cares about. There's too many variables and not enough certainty and she's _freaking out_.

Stefan must sense her unease, because he twirls her into Damon's arms. She doesn't know why that logic makes sense in her head, but it does, because if anyone knows how to make light of a situation, it's Damon. He makes her laugh, takes her mind off things, and for a few moments, she's not bait for an evil Original vampire, and they're not scheming to kill said Original vampire. She feels more normal in this moment than she has in a long time. It doesn't last, but the momentary distraction is just what she needed.

And then, of course, everything goes to hell.

When the dust settles and Bonnie's okay and she has a handle on her emotions, she can see things clearly. She knows why he did it, and she can't help but appreciate the lengths that he went to for her safety. In his twisted way, he's always looking out for her, always there to protect her.

She goes to apologize and to give him an ultimatum, but he takes the opportunity to give her one of his own.

 _I will always choose you_.

It's raw, and intense, and he says it with such certainty that she can't help but believe him, and something inside her shifts and falls into place.

... ... ...

 _oh, love, let me see inside your heart_

 _all the cracks and broken parts_

... ... ...

She's starting to notice a pattern.

Every time Damon asks her to dance, or they end up dancing together, it serves as a distraction from everything that's going on around them, and this time is no different. She knows he's just trying to protect her, but she has to see Esther. She has to know what she wants, because if there's a chance that Elijah's wrong, that their mother does have a way to kill Klaus, Elena wants to know what it is.

Stefan agrees with her, but Damon doesn't, so she shouldn't be surprised when he appears in front of her, insisting they dance together. His intentions are completely transparent, but she can't very well say no.

 _You look stunning, if it isn't obvious._

Okay, she's sufficiently distracted.

Something's shifted between them in the last few weeks. (She says, as if she doesn't know exactly what it is.) She wishes that she could ignore it, or that it didn't affect her, but she cares about him; she's always cared about him, but it's different now. She doesn't know where she stands with Stefan, so she can't put too much thought into Damon until that's resolved, but the fact that there's anything for her to think about means things are changing, and she doesn't know how to feel about it.

All this thinking is messing with her head, so she just cuts Damon out of it completely. She thinks he's upset because she went to Stefan instead of him, but then…

 _I'm mad at you because I love you_.

She doesn't mean to break his heart, but there's a lot at stake here, and she can't let him keep distracting her with dances and kisses and declarations of love.

(Doesn't mean they won't still keep her up at night.)

... ... ...

 _there's shadows in the light_

 _there's no need to hide_

... ... ...

She doesn't get to dance with him at Miss Mystic, and she hates it. She watches as the girls dance with their escorts, and all she can think about is the first time he danced with her, how he saved her from humiliation in front of the entire town. How he made her forget, just for a moment, about all the bad things going on in her life. How everything fell away around them, until it was just the two of them. She feels like she didn't appreciate it then. Not like she would now.

 _I wanted to dance with you today_.

When he holds her in his arms in his living room, sways her gently side to side, rests his head against hers, everything else fades away. She forgets about the rift that's growing between her and almost everyone she cares about, about how no one seems to accept the ways she's changing. (No one except for him.)

And then she thinks maybe he's losing his touch, because the dance is supposed to distract her, but she can't stop thinking about how all she wants to do is kiss him. When she does, she realizes that she wants to do a lot more than just kiss him, and the old Elena would have resisted, but this Elena, she takes what she wants. And what she wants is him.

... ... ...

 _'cause I'm on fire like a thousand suns_

 _I couldn't put it out_

 _even if I wanted to_

... ... ...

It's not fair.

It's not fair that any of this is happening. It's not fair that she has to lie in this coffin for the next 60-plus years while everyone she loves keeps going without her. It's not fair that she'll never see her best friend again.

And it's really not fair that just when she gets her memories back, when she and Damon are finally happy, when they can finally start their life together, their future is ripped from them before it can even start.

He's trying to be strong, but her heart is breaking for him, because she knows it'll be a thousand times more difficult for him than it will be for her. If he loves her even a fraction of how much she loves him, living without her is going to hurt like hell.

He wants to dance, right here, on the street where they first met so long ago, and she can't think of a better way to say goodbye.

She lets him twirl her around, lets him lift her into the air, lets him have this moment, because it'll have to be the last for a while. She doesn't want to cry, doesn't want him to see her upset. She wants him to have a happy memory to carry him through the next few decades while she's gone.

 _I love you, Damon Salvatore_.

He dips her one last time, gives her one last kiss, and she thinks it's kind of perfect that their love story begins and ends with a dance.

She knows, without a doubt in her mind, that one day, they'll dance again.

... ... ...

 _these flames tonight_

 _look into my eyes and say you want me, too_

 _like I want you_

... ... ...


End file.
